


codename: kairyo

by rangerhitomi



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Zexal
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-22
Updated: 2014-04-22
Packaged: 2018-01-20 08:52:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1504307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rangerhitomi/pseuds/rangerhitomi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"kairyo with the endearing nicknames." for fillathon. also buddy cop au where kairyo are partner detectives in a narcotics unit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	codename: kairyo

Kaito sits at his desk; phones are ringing throughout the room, cops are dragging heavily tattooed guys who are screaming obscenities at them, and he can barely hear his  _partner_  over all the ruckus.   
  
"You don't antagonize local law enforcement," Kaito says, rubbing his eyes.  
  
"Maybe they should learn the difference between a search warrant and an arrest warrant."   
  
Kaito's last partner had been a greenie, well-intentioned but too naive to work with narcotics because he had this really inconvenient habit of telling the truth when he really should be trying to lie his way into a drug ring. He got shipped off to traffic - Kaito offered him his deepest sympathies - but then he was reassigned Ryoga Kamishiro, a former homicide detective known in the department as "Shark," which was a stupid nickname and it fit him because he was stupid. "Did you at least get the evidence transferred?"  
  
Ryoga snorts. "Some asshat 'misplaced' it."  
  
"Convenient."  
  
"Mm. So I came up with a plan."  
  
"No."  
  
"We're going to go undercover."  
  
"No."  
  
"To this neighborhood."  
  
"No."  
  
"And we're gonna pretend we're a married couple."  
  
"What the fuck."  
  
"So we can get in on this ring."  
  
There is such a long pause that Ryoga starts asking if Kaito was even there and the answer is no, Kaito isn't there, because he is in such disbelief that Ryoga would suggest something so godawful  _stupid_  that he doesn't have anything  _to_  say.  
  
"Ryoga."  
  
"Oh, so you didn't hang up on me."  
  
"I just want you to know that when I die and my corpse is rotting in the street while drunken frat boys piss on it, that my last thoughts were of you."  
  
"That's so sweet of you."  
  
"And how I'd like to kill you."  
  
"Love you too, sweetie pumpkin."  
  
\---  
  
He can't  _believe_  what his life has become. He was going to go to college and graduate with a physics degree and go on to grad school and get a PhD and study star radiation or some shit but something went horribly wrong somewhere along the road and now he's busting drug gangs in Heartland City with this jackass partner with a douchey nickname.   
  
"This is my wonderful fiancee," Ryoga explains pleasantly to the dumbfounded HOA representative who had stopped by with a goody basket. "We moved here for my job."  
  
The HOA guy stares for a minute before forcing a smile. "Oh. Well, what are your names?"  
  
"Kite," Ryoga says, pointing at Kaito at the exact moment Kaito points at Ryoga and says "Ryan."  
  
"I'm going to strangle you with your own intestines," Kaito whispers.   
  
"We're so excited to be here!" 'Ryan' says with the fakest smile Kaito has ever seen on his face as he wraps an arm around Kaito's shoulders and squeezes as though wanting nothing more than to dislocate Kaito's shoulder. "Aren't we, sweetums?"  
  
"Whatever you say, poopie head."  
  
\---  
  
The block party is supposed to be the perfect opportunity to sneak around the neighborhood undetected. If anyone catches them somewhere they aren't supposed to be, they can just pretend to be drunk and ask where the nearest BBQ grill was. It's perfect.   
  
"Are you sure this is the right house?" Kaito mutters as Ryoga peers into a basement window with a flashlight.   
  
"Pretty sure. The guy's a high school chem teacher with bad teeth."  
  
 _And obviously that means he's cooking in his basement,_  Kaito thinks wryly, but he doesn't have time to tell Ryoga that he's being a moron again before Ryoga slides in through the window.   
  
"The fuck are you-"   
  
But that's as far as Kaito gets before he hears someone approaching. He freezes for about two seconds before collapsing to the ground, and when someone shakes him, he pretends he's waking up from an impromptu nap. On the side of someone's house. At five-thirty in the evening.   
  
"Mmm..." Kaito puts a hand to his head. "Oh god..."  
  
"What are you doing here?" and it's the chem teacher whose basement Ryoga  _At Least I Know The Difference Between A Search Warrant And An Arrest Warrant But Obviously Not What Illegal Searches Are_  Kamishiro (the guy probably watches one too many episodes of  _Law and Order_  and has forgotten that his actual job requires rule following) is in the middle of illegally searching.   
  
"Ah..." Kaito frowns. "I think I had too many jello shots..."  
  
He catches a  _lightweight_  comment under the teacher's breath but the guy helps him to his feet. Kaito sways expertly on his feet. "Have you seen my fiancee, by any chance?"  
  
"No. Did you try calling  _him_?" the guy sounds disgruntled, and that's okay because he can be bitter about the attractive gay couple that moved in three houses down all he wants when he's in prison for the rest of his life and has a gay cellmate.  
  
 _No, I'm completely stupid, you jackass_. "Oh, that's a good idea!" So Kaito shifts enough so that the guy can't see the name on his contact list and calls Ryoga, and there's one ring. Two. Three.   
  
"What?"  
  
"Hi sugar muffin!" Kaito says in such a disgusting voice he can feel his vocal cords protesting.   
  
"Oh god,  _what the fuck_."  
  
"I seem to have lost you, sweetums."  
  
"I'm not the only thing you seem to have lost,  _diddy-pooh_."  
  
"What's that? You went back to bed because you have a headache? Ohh I'm so sorry to hear that, pookie. I'll be there right away so I can make you feel aaaaalllllll better."  
  
Ryoga makes a soft gagging noise into the phone.  
  
"The lovely high school chem teacher is going to walk me back, so we'll see you in a few!  _Love you, sugar pie_!"   
  
He hangs up and resists the urge to tear out his own tongue.   
  
\---  
  
When Ryoga slips in through the garage door and heads to the kitchen, there's a bottle of liquid dish soap next to Kaito and Kaito seems to be halfway through brushing his teeth with it.  
  
"You know, fuzzy wuzzy-"  
  
"-I will slit your throat in your sleep-"  
  
"-toothpaste generally works better."  
  
Kaito gives him such an intense glare that Ryoga's surprised he hasn't burst into flames. "I'm trying to cleanse myself of all these godawful nicknames I've had to make up for you. Did you find anything?"  
  
"Yeah." Ryoga flips through his iPhone pictures. "He's definitely got a lab down there."  
  
"Great job, jellybean sugarcake!" Kaito says sarcastically  
  
- _the fuck kind of nickname is that_ -  
  
"but did you maybe possibly forget that you didn't have a goddamn search warrant and anything you found is tainted evidence?"  
  
Ryoga had thought about it, yeah. "You can figure out a way to get us these pictures legally, then."  
  
"Oh my god, you are the worst partner I've ever-"  
  
Ryoga silenced him with a full-on kiss; Kaito stood there rigidly for a solid fifteen seconds before Ryoga pulled back. "You are a shit kisser."  
  
"The  _fuck_!" Kaito spluttered, and he shoved his soapy toothbrush back in his mouth.  
  
"Fifteen seconds of kissing a day improves relationships," Ryoga said sweetly, heading into the living room. "Babycakes."


End file.
